Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Harry Reid's Ward Finally Figures Him Out

Harry Reid allegedly exits a Rite Aid on a Sunday!
By Paul Allen 

HENDERSON, NV—The members of the Henderson 2nd Ward, home to senate majority leader Harry Reid, claim to have finally "made sense" out of their enigmatic senator, whose mystery started to unravel with a chance encounter.

"I was driving past the Rite Aid a few Sundays ago on my way home from a stake meeting," recalls LeVar Yoeman, second counselor in the stake Young Men's presidency, "and there was Brother Reid, walking out carrying a little white bag."

Though speculation over Reid's status was a bit of a cottage industry for years in the 2nd Ward, it was this revelation of a Sabbath-day purchase that finally brought all the puzzle pieces together. Said one sister, "This makes perfect sense to me. I'm certain he must have picked up coffee filters, too."

Roland Hegworth, high priest group leader in the 2nd Ward confirmed that Reid is intermittent in his church attendance.  "We see him a couple of times a year. He has the unfortunate habit of working away from home a great deal, including on the weekends at times." Hegworth went on to suggest that he understands that such habits are typical for people with "a drinking problem."

The following Sunday, the priesthood executive committee met with the Relief Society presidency to discuss the special needs of the Reid family, determining that they were probably not wearing the temple garment, no doubt nudists, have likely begun growing marijuana at home, and that the Viagra Reid is thought to have purchased at Rite Aid is used to sustain their swinging lifestyle.

Said Bishop Don Dingman, "While I haven't exactly spoken to Brother Reid, it is clear as a bell to me now how it is that he's a Democrat."

Senator Reid was in Washington, D.C. and could not be reached for comment, considered by many to be evidence of an extra-marital affair.