|Apostle Still Seeking to do the Lord's
Work from the Spirit World
By Adam Lewis
La Jolla, CA—Confusion has, for some, followed Romney’s announcement that he would not run for president. Information from a source inside the Romney campaign may clarify why he is not running. This highly-placed source indicates that while organizing the papers on the desk of the savior of the Salt Lake City Winter Olympics, our source came upon an interesting letter, a letter that was “buried beneath stacks of diamond mine deeds and drafts of campaign donation requests.” The letter in question was from the late Delbert L. Stapley (Apostle 1950-1978), and its odd writings and other marks indicated that Romney may have transcribed the letter via what he refers to as his “Urim and Thumim 2.0” (aka top hat and monocle).
Stapley’s letter seems to be a sequel to his infamous 1964 letter to Governor George Romney, a letter wherein the now deceased Apostle criticized Romney’s support for the Civil Rights Act. In that letter Stapley warned Romney the Elder that support for such an act was against the will of the Lord as revealed through Joseph Smith. Stapley further cautioned that punishments are in store for those who seek equality in such ways. As evidence for such dire warnings, Stapley cited three US presidents who met their doom as a direct result of their pursuit of equal rights under the law as well as “the drowning death of some guy from Arizona.”
Our highly-placed source suggests that the new Stapley letter is adapted for the new generation with similar advice and warnings. Stapley points out that the slippery slope of the Civil Rights Act has produced new minority groups that now have a voice and are seeking equal protection under the law. He goes on the say that groups like homosexuals, feminists, and Mormon democrats are pushing an agenda that restructures the proven and well established world that “needs no restructuring.” The source indicated that there may have been more, but the letter was whisked away by a representative of the Church History department who said that it needed to be “archived” properly.
When pressed for further details, our source noted the letter’s 116 word postscript. In that postscript, Stapley made clear his view that support for equal rights was why Romney the Elder lost the 1968 election, “plunging the nation into the dark ages of Nixon.” Stapley made clear that Romney the Younger has a third chance to “get it right” so the “purposes of Zion can be realized in national leadership.” Mitt was promised a win if he would adhere to Stapley’s directive, but any wavering would cause the dashing, righteous, and well-coiffed former governor to fall short, allowing Satan and the national media to yet again “sift him as wheat.”