Paul Grontes, head of the center’s chiropractic area, said that they are thrilled to lend their support to Zion’s finest news source. When asked about Straight and Narrow, Grotnes said, “our chiropractors don’t just heal bodies, we help those who might ‘turn back’ when they suffer afflictions, like the sons of Mosiah almost did.” Grotnes continued that, “good chiropractic care is like repentance—both eliminate stiffneckedness.”
Straight and Narrow’s weight loss/trek preparation program specializes in using the LDS heritage to give you the best body possible. Denise Kesey, the program’s director, explained that “with as little as six weeks, we can give you the sort of toned Eliza R. Snow abs that will make you the talk of the young women (and the young men) at your upcoming trek.” “No out-of-breath or possible heart attack for those brethren either,” added Kesey, “and you won’t end up in the back of some wagon or SUV, lifting your head to tell people you want to eat at Arby’s by saying ‘this is the right place, please park!’”
Unique to the Wasatch Front is the center’s top flight veterinary orthodontrics program. Dr. Jane Collins, who heads this area, explained that those who love their pets “appreciate that Utah now has a full service center that can treat everything from your hamster’s overbite to that nasty gap in your German Shepherd’s pearly whites.” Dr. Collins added, “Oh I’ve seen people at the Salt Lake City farmer’s market just ecstatic when they learned that we offer the latest Invisalign clear cat braces.”
The Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer is glad for the generous support of a center that, whether it is your back, your hips, or you beloved poodle’s teeth, keeps everything straight and narrow.