Monday, September 11, 2017


Actual Photograph of Scone Heavenly Mother Baking
For When Church Leaves Current Time-out
Heaven—“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” said a calm but stern Heavenly Mother in a recent conference call with the Mormon Church’s First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve. “I see where all of this is going,” She continued, “and I want you to know I don’t like it!”

The Mother of All Creation expressed what She called Her “hot displeasure” with how She was being mentioned, in Her words, “to justify not accepting people with different sexualities.” She clarified that she objected to Mormon discussions of Heavenly Parents as a way to reinforce “the traditional family.” Heavenly Mother stated that, “sure, We love that you get married and have families,” but She explained that what too many were really doing was using “the family” to justify their unwillingness to believe and to accept homosexuals.

“I hear more talk about Heavenly Parents,” She elaborated, “to squash those who point out that, traditionally, all of creation was created by men.” She continued, “so now you mention Heavenly Mother, but it isn’t because you want women treated as equals; you just don’t like the idea of guys creating stuff without a woman!”

Heavenly Mother then took time to explain that family is a metaphor about how humans relate to the divine, and that it is not the only metaphor. She pointed out another metaphor is in Paul’s inspired words where humans are part of the body of Christ, or God’s body. In this metaphor every person or every part and every organ, “even the single ones, the transgender ones, the homosexual ones, the asexual ones—each of them” is to be valued, loved, supported, and cherished “for who they are.”

The smiling Mother in Heaven concluded that “the sooner you people can love one another as you are loved, the sooner you and the church can leave time-out,” adding, with a smile, “I’ve got some nice scones ready for you for when you do!”

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