President Paulsen enumerated other factors that
threatened to reduce the ward to the probationary “Plausible & Not Quite Dead
Yet” status. “This ward is not failing in all aspects,” explained President
Paulsen. “Yes, 87% of the high priests slept through their group meeting and
38% of the Gospel Doctrine lesson came from the blog “Philosophies of Men
Spiced up with Scripture,” he noted, “but it is the measly 59% of Young Women
lessons that dealt with the specifics of modesty that really shows this ward’s
steady slide into iniquity. ”
Some visiting leaders from the stake noted that the
discrepancies that President Paulsen mentioned, including a “lack of enthusiasm
on the part of the Sharing Time chorister,” involved only the sisters in the 12th
ward. Sources close to President Paulsen
quietly clarified that “the sisters are really the only spiritual ones,” adding
that “if the men just show up, we call it good.”
Before leaving the ward, President Paulsen reminded them
of what this drop in status might mean. “We
all know what happened to the former 8th Ward,” said President
Paulsen ominously, “and none of us, I mean none of us, wants to end up a
Presbyterian!”
I had better check in to see what my Ward's status is.....kind of scary!
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