BYUTV GETS EXCLUSIVE TELEVISION COVERAGE RIGHTS OF THE SECOND COMING

The Revelation Will be televised

PROVO, UT—BYUTV director Daniel Clark announced today that they had secured exclusive television coverage rights for the Second Coming. Clark stated that “it had been a priority for us to secure these rights, second only to the rights to Hugh Nibley’s talks and, of course, all of the BYU football games.”

Clark offered a few details about how they planned to cover the triumphal return. He explained, “we have cameras on the ready in many, many key locations.”  Clark outlined how crews are “on the ready 24-7” to get reaction shots from the First Presidency, key world leaders, and “some Miamaids from Bountiful, Utah who will be‘TOTALLY OMG BLOWN AWAY!’”

Clark also mentioned that cameras were prepared near downtown Las Vegas, San Francisco, the University of Utah, and Harry Reid’s office “just to capture the anguished weeping as well as the desperate gnashing of teeth of the wicked.” When questioned about the comments, Clark clarified that it was not “anyone in specific, just, you know, any random super wicked people who might be in the vicinity.”

When asked about the crews themselves, Clark affirmed that “of course we have our elite camera people in key roles.”  Clark elaborated that the “Red-Robe-as-if-stained-by-Lots-of-Grape-Juice group is our most important.”  “We have to have our best people,” stated Clark, “for this crew.  We cannot afford to lose a camera because someone had had Dr. Pepper in the last year or who paid tithing on the net instead of the gross.”