Opinion: The Pioneers Didn’t Have it All THAT Bad

"Don't talk to me about sick oxen: my vacuum's broken!"

By Halley Price Curnutt

OK, so, pioneers were totally hard-working and spiritual and everything. I’m not saying they weren’t. I admire them and I even went on a trek reenactment once. But the thing that no one wants to admit is that our pioneers ancestors were spared a ton of hardships. 

For example, did they have to deal with cable companies?? Exactly. I mean, I can’t seem to get Comcast to understand that even though my husband wants all the sports channels, we do NOT want HBO—but we do want their full-access Internet-phone-sports service. I’ve spent literally half my life on the phone, trying to get them to fix the mistakes they keep making on our account! The pioneers didn’t have to deal AT ALL with irritating hold music or inaccurate billing practices. Not that they weren’t given trials of their own, of course. I’m just saying.

Bryson’s great-great-great grandparents buried their first three children as they crossed the plains. One died of starvation and the other two of exposure. I am sure that was really hard and everything. But hey, they didn’t have to go through the aggravation of getting their kids into the right summer programs. Tayte is 11 and he’s all about the soccer, but the best soccer camps are thirty minutes away—and the traffic is beyond terrible. Then, Meleyshia loves gymnastics (she’s spunky!) but the gym near us doesn’t have summer camps, and the one fifteen minutes away has these snotty girls who totally shun girls who have ANY talent (like Mel), and the really good camp across town has already filled up. The only camp that has any space left has a female coach who is, shall we say, “not really feminine.”

I won’t even mention how impossible it’s been to get Truxton into even a semi-decent baseball summer program. 

Seriously, I don’t see how pioneers could have had it any worse. I know they had to deal with deprivations, and disease, and various kinds of hard work, but did they have to return their mother’s birthday Edible Arrangement bouquet TWICE because the first time the pineapple was brown around the edges and the second time the bow actually had these disgusting grease stains on it? The trip back and forth totally destroyed my make-up because the mechanic hasn’t had time to look at my Lexus’s air conditioner, so I looked super disgusting when I met my friends at our Deer Valley condo for our little lost weekend. Which was totally ruined anyway because even though I’d re-ordered my entire supply of essential oils, Fed-Ex couldn’t find the address up there and didn’t even bother letting me know.  

Trials? I think I could teach the pioneers a thing or two about trials. I am grateful to know that God tests those he loves, but…honestly, could he love me a little less?! (j/k!)