Photography taken with Iphone showing primary children when primary goes over |
“First,” said Thurman, “I have to admit that as a man
sitting in Primary, you get all sorts of undeserved praise!” Thurman noted that
the Primary President was “just so happy and so inordinately appreciative” of his
willingness to serve. He admitted that “yep, this is straight up sexism, since
women would never get the same praise or adulation for doing
the same work,” but he added, “hey, it works for me!”
Not wanting to miss any opportunities to enjoy this
undeserved praise, Thurman willingly went to Sharing Time on the day he was
called. He explained that “it probably seemed like I was just so happy and
eager, but, let’s face it, the difference between Elders Quorum and Primary isn’t
that much, so I just picked Primary and its free, unmerited praise—win for me!”
When Thurman got to Primary, he easily found the row with
the class he would be teaching. As he put it, “I spotted the kids right off—one incessantly
poking the girl next to him, one pulling a thread on his sweater with obvious
curiosity and perhaps the hope that the whole thing might come unraveled, and two
other quiet, reverent children who looked like there might be a carbon monoxide
leak right above their chairs.”
“I took a seat, trying to separate the rambunctious ones,
folded my arms, smiled, and sang,” continued Thurman. “I have to say that at
that moment, I thought I might be in heaven. All of the old words came right
back, and I sang with a joy I have rarely felt at church.”
This euphoria, partly a result of how Thurman felt that “here
(in Primary) was the Gospel in all its simplicity and joy,” proved to be
temporary. He explained that “one of the boys looked at me and then said
flatly, ‘you are short.’” Thurman stated that “I tried to ignore him, look forward,
smile, and sing to set a good example, but he must have repeated eight times in
his same disaffected, monotone way, ‘you are short.’” Thurman reported that “it
felt like this could have gone on forever, until, clearly not making the headway
he wanted, the little &*!$ punched me!” Thurman had been punched before,
including one time as a missionary, but, as Thurman said, “this was so
unexpected and caught me so much off guard, that I wanted to beat him to a bloody
pile of bones and skin right on the spot.”
Sensing that immediate and life-threatening physical
violence might not be the best way to start his pastoral work with these “little lambs,” Thurman addressed the young man directly and firmly, making
expectations clear that he was not to punch him again.
“So, yah, when he immediately punched me again, I just about lost it,”
said Thurman. The new Primary teacher went on that, “well, just about the time
I had reached an uneasy détente with that little spawn of Satan, I realized
that one of the other boys had taken off his shoe and was throwing it at a kid
behind him.” Thurman tried to corral this young man, who “having launched one piece
of weaponized footwear, was now preparing to launch the other.”
“After fighting with those kids through singing time and Sharing
time, well, let’s just say that all of the shine had worn off of this new
Primary gig,” stated Thurman. He concluded, “and then, at the end, when Primary actually went
over by 6 minutes and 18 seconds, I concluded that there must be a warm place
in hell for whoever is not keeping track of the time during the Sharing Time
lesson!”
Weary of the celestial heights and infernal lows his new calling will inevitably bring, Thurman finally noted, that “and this week I didn’t even have to teach!”
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