The Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer, Zion’s Finest News Source,
is glad to give you, our dear readers, the in-depth and groundbreaking
interviews that answer the real questions. We are pleased to post this interview which we recently conducted with Neyland
McBaine, author of Women at Church: Magnifying LDS Women’s Local Impact. Though
other, frankly lesser publications, may attempt similar interviews, only the
Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer is willing to really poke current people with the
long pointy stick of Zion’s finest questions. As with all MTE interviews, this was conducted at an undisclosed
location and without the victim’s interviewee’s knowledge or consent.
Cus that’s how we roll.
MTE: How many pairs of purple pants will it take to throw
off Mormon male oppression?
Neyland McBaine: That really isn’t what my book is about,
I mean, if you…
MTE: Okay, so if you want to be hostile, what do you say
to some of the recent accusations that you didn’t actually write this book but
instead it was written by Sydney Rigdon’s wife Pam?
Neyland McBaine: I’m pretty sure Sydney Rigdon’s wife’s
name was not Pam. In fact…
MTE: Well then, since you brought up modesty, how disturbed
were you that a certain apostle may sometimes wear very sheer dress socks that allow
glimpses of his ankles?
Neyland McBaine: That doesn’t make any sense. I didn’t
bring up modesty, and I have no idea about an apostle’s socks…
MTE: So does that put you in the radical feminist camp
with those who say we should alternate between calling the songs “hymns” and
calling them “hyrs?”
Neyland McBaine: Did you even read my book?
MTE: Given that this is such a feminist book, what do you
think of the risk that you might end up on the dark side in a Jon McNaughton
painting?
Neyland McBaine: At least that starts to make sense, but
I think that you are missing…
MTE: As a book for women, when will portions of your book
be available on Pintrest? Oh, and if I buy it for my womenfolk, is there a strap
that comes with it so they can read while vacuuming?
Neyland McBaine: Um, could you please stop talking to me;
maybe we could talk after sacrament meeting.
MTE: If I pass you this tray will you tell me how your book
compares with, say, the Harry Potter series?
Neyland McBaine: How did you even find me here?
MTE: One last question—this one is about gender and
power: If a male BYU student started to read your book and then felt that
taking the steps you suggest would make the church a better place for men and
for women, do you think that girls would think he was hot?
Neyland McBaine: Wait, you’re not recording this, are
you?
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