POINT: INSTEAD OF GOING TO THE RAINBOW FAMILY GATHERING, I’D LOVE TO GO TO MORMON YOUTH CONFERENCE / COUNTERPOINT: INSTEAD OF GOING TO YOUTH CONFERENCE, I’D LOVE TO GO TO THE RAINBOW FAMILY GATHERING

It is unclear if this is from the Rainbow Family Gathinging,
or a Constitution-themed LDS Youth Conference

POINT: INSTEAD OF GOING TO THE RAINBOW FAMILY GATHERING, I’D LOVE TO GO TO MORMON YOUTH CONFERENCE

By Sean Ghirardelli

Again this summer my parents are dragging me to the Rainbow Family Gathering. We fill the minivan with crap and head off to some national park to spend weeks with free-loving, hippie potheads. I just want a summer where I can do something with some structure and organization, something with a little less old person advice (and old person nudity) and something fun. That is why I hope that next year I can go to those week-long summer camp things that Mormons call Youth Conference.

Now, I don’t know very much about Mormon Youth conference, but this year’s Rainbow Family Gathering was in Utah. I didn’t know anything about Mormons or Utah, so when I met Trenton at a convenience store it was pretty interesting to talk to him. He told me about Mormon Youth Conference, and it sounded awesome.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that if we let the plants grow then “the food and medicine will just appear from the ground and Mother Earth will abound.” Yes, I love singing about it every year with a guy playing on his homemade guitar, maybe a pan flute accompaniment, but, really, after three days of that @#$%, I would stab that guy in the neck for tacos, a Mountain Dew, and some Twinkies.  

Sure, they are nice enough people, but if I have to spend another big chunk of my summer vacation watching children named “Star Halo” and “Celestial Karma” in Kid Village, where neglect is called “letting them do their thing,” I might just have to strangle someone with her Greenpeace scarf. I guess it is just that ever since Aïsha Dawn Chakra (whose real name is Ashley Palmer) told me that Grandfather David, the Hopi Elder who told the story of the White Buffalo and the end of the world, is actually an accountant from Omaha, well, let’s just say that I see the whole thing differently.

It might not be so bad, really, if the old people didn’t just insist on telling you all of the time how wonderful it is there, how spiritual it is, and kept saying “welcome home.” Really, I don’t even know you people, and please, I know how free you feel and everything, but could you just shower and put some clothes on? Is that too much to ask?

What really sounds like fun are the games, the fun, the structure and the organization, the food, and the good times at Mormon Youth Conferences. I hope I can go there next summer!

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COUNTERPOINT: INSTEAD OF GOING TO YOUTH CONFERENCE, I’D LOVE TO GO TO THE RAINBOW FAMILY GATHERING

By Trenton Sanborn

Again this summer my parents are forcing me to go to Youth Conference. I pack up some dress clothes for the dance and the testimony meeting and head off to some college to spend a week with all of the wierdos assigned to work with the youth. I just want a summer where I can do something free and out-of-the box, something with a little less old person advice (and maybe some nudity) and something fun. That is why I hope that next year I can go to the Rainbow Family Gathering. 

Now, I don’t know very much about the Rainbow Family Gathering, but this year I met a kid who was going to it. I had never even heard of it, so when I met Sean at the convenience store it was pretty interesting to talk to him. He told me about the Rainbow Family Gathering, and it sounded awesome.

Don’t get me wrong; I believe that the youth of Zion will not falter and that someday I will both grow a foot or two and be called to serve.  Yes, I love singing about it every year along with someone’s dinky IPhone speaker with the accompaniment of other apathetic youth, but, really, after three days of that stuff, I would smash that stupid IPhone for some free time and an uninterrupted walk in the woods. 

Sure, it is great to serve, but if I have to spend another big chunk of my summer vacation doing church history indexing or preparing hygiene kits for Guatemalan refugees, I might just have to strangle someone with his BYU tie.  I guess it is just that ever since I heard about Paul H. Dunn and found out the South Park has a more accurate depiction of how the Book of Mormon was translated than the church pictures, well, let’s just say that I see the whole thing differently. 

 

It might not be so bad, really, if the old people didn’t insist on telling you all of the time how wonderful it is there, how spiritual it is, and saying “this is Zion.” Really, I don’t even know you people, and please, I know how important obedience is and everything, but it seems like some sexual curiosity is natural, even healthy. How about if we drop the idea that fooling around is second only to murder? Is that too much to ask?

What really sounds like fun is the freedom, the closeness to nature, and the healthy food at the Rainbow Family Gathering. I hope I can go there next summer!