Monday, July 28, 2014


BARSTOW, CA—Jan Ellison was glad to take her famous cauliflower casserole to a woman who recently had a baby. “On my way to drop off the meal,” Sister Ellison reported confidentially to the Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer, “well, there I was again, hoping that God would send that truck across the line and right into my Camry.”

When asked about the desire to see her life come to an end, Sister Ellison said that, “I don’t think about it all of the time, you know, just a few times a day.” Sister Ellison continued, “and I don’t want to put anyone out, I mean, I even buckled in the casserole with the address so that the EMTs could still take it to Sister Anderson.”

Sister Ellison was quick to point out that “it seems like others probably imagine everything is perfect with me and my family, but the truth is that when I hear about someone near my age dying suddenly of a heart attack or something, I just wish that it could have been me.”

“It is odd,” remarked Ellison, “since I guess I used to think optimistically about [redacted] and [redacted], but now that that has just become so bleak and miserable for me, now I fantasize about having a stroke or brain tumor.” When asked if she had ever done anything more than hope for an “end to her mortal probation,” Ellison said, “well, no, I guess I just use the old Shakespeare phrase, ‘If chance will have me dead, why chance may deliver me, without my stir’.”

When asked if she had ever confided her thoughts or feelings in others, Ellison said, “oh, I could never tell anyone something so terrible and dark, I mean, my husband and church friends would never have or even understand anything like what I’m thinking or feeling, so I don’t tell anyone how badly I want to move to the next stage of my existence.”

“I just stay busy,” concluded Ellison, “you know, doing things like preparing this month’s visiting teaching message, fantasizing that this might be my last.”

Please reach out to someone if you find a connection with how Jan feels and how you might feel. We are all here to help bear one another’s burdens and to help comfort those who need comfort. 

1 comment: