BESIDES RUSSIANS, TRUMP FAMILY MEMBERS ALSO HAD CONTACT WITH MORMON MISSIONARIES

Mock-up of LDS Trump Poster

Washington, DC—Hot on the heels of recent revelations about contacts between the Trump campaign and the Russians come reports that Mormon missionaries also contacted and attempted to influence Trump family members and his campaign. 

The most damning reports about contacts between Mormon missionaries involve communications between those representatives and some of Donald Trump’s lesser-known children. While Donald Trump Jr. was in contact with the Russians, his sisters Tiffany, LaToya, and Janet, and brothers Rebbie, Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, and Randy were meeting clandestinely with several sets of Mormon missionaries to discuss strategy and salvation.

Three sources with direct knowledge of those meetings who spoke on conditions of anonymity confirmed to the Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer that the missionaries presented several compelling proposals. One proposal was that the Trump campaign use a picture of Jesus and his post-resurrection appearance in the Americas to alter slightly candidate Trump’s approach. They recommended that Trump use the slogan “Make the Americas Great Again” as a way to promote an ideal view of this hemisphere under Trump’s leadership.

A second suggestion offered by missionaries during previously undisclosed meetings was that the family seriously consider the blessings of the gospel and how it might impact their lives eternally. The missionaries asked Trump’s children, “don’t you want to be with your family forever?” Missionaries seemed surprised when the Trump children were less than excited about this prospect. 

“It’s hard to know what these new revelations will mean, in the long run,” said one Republican operative. “Who knows how quickly Jason Chaffetz will use this to convince Republicans like Mitt Romney of Trump’s fitness for office.” Another strategist wondered aloud about the possibility of Jon McNaughton painting Trump as a modern Jesus whose border wall will somehow unite everyone!”