HUGE PHOTO LINES AT SALT LAKE TEMPLE CAUSED BY FOUR BRIDE PILEUP

Like this, but with brides and people

Salt Lake City, UT—Last Saturday morning lines of family and well-wishers wrapped nearly all the way around the Salt Lake temple, causing delays of more than an hour for some. The longer than usual backups were apparently triggered by an early morning four bride pileup.

“People just don’t seem to be moving at all” reported the KSL Eye-in-the-Sky Temple Traffic Copter over the weekend. Helicopter reporter Rip Jorgenson told listeners to the temple traffic update that “we are used to 20 to 25 minute delays between the entrance and ornamental exterior doors, but today bridesmaids and mission buddy groomsmen are looking at 60 to 75 minute waits.”

Salt Lake Temple Wedding Picture Transit Authority (SLTWPTA) personnel explained that the four bride pile up was caused by “a perfect post-temple sealing photography storm.” Explained one official, “well, the first bride involved was delayed in getting out for pictures because she had to redo her hair and makeup twice, and the second bride…well…let’s just say she ‘had a moment’ before she was ready to go out and join her family.” These delays were then compounded when the third bride was moving at a regular, normal pace, but the fourth was moving at a rate much higher than normal. “Yah, that fourth bride,” continued a SLTWPTA source, “was pretty much racing to get out for pictures!”

The resulting four bride pileup was a horrific collision of wedding gown trains, mothers-of-the-bride, helpless new husbands, and tears that took emergency responders quite some time to untangle. “It is usual for us to have, you know, a few brides moving slowly with others right on their tails, but this was huge, and especially on a Saturday,” exclaim an SLTWPTA official.

The delays impacted everyone, people who were already overdressed and uncomfortable. Reports circulated of many impatient siblings already bored with “playing on the Ipad,” uncles using the time to tell unfunny jokes or stories of dubious appropriateness, and a number of grandmothers who “are just going to go sit over here and wait and you can come and get (them) when its time.”

A sister of one of the brides involved in the backup was heard to say, “wow, look at this mayhem—thank goodness I’m getting married in the Fort Collins Temple—no photo traffic headaches there!”

GOD SOMEHOW NEVER TIRES OF PLAYING PEEK-A-BOO WITH HUMANS

Like this, but with God

Heaven—Reports from the Celestial Kingdom indicate that even after millions upon millions of people in worlds without end, God still thoroughly enjoys playing peek-a-boo with pretty much all of His children.

“Yah, He just never seems to tire of hiding and hiding and then suddenly appearing in the lives of mortals,” said one angelic source.

“I’ve got to say,” said another source, “that sometimes it can seem a little mean.” This heavenly source went to explain that “that thing He did with Abraham, you know, and his son Isaac, and then just at the last moment He jumped out and was like ‘JK—here’s a ram instead.’” 

The angel clarified that “of course it isn’t just for fun, I mean, Abraham learned about God and God’s sacrifice.” The angel stated that Abraham learned trust, and that “even though you can’t see God does not mean He is gone forever—the same thing that little kids learn when humans play peek-a-boo with them.”

“Let me say that a really memorable game,” continued an angel, “was the one God playing with C.S. Lewis—I mean that man was so taken by all of it that he wrote a book about it called Surprised by Joy.”

A final source noted that “I think one of the best parts is hearing both humans and God laugh when He surprises them—we just all smile at that. Sometimes it is a long wait, but that laugh is totally worth it!”