Monday, December 26, 2016


Mormon Tabernacle Choir Singing in Iran
or Guatemala or Chile
Near Laredo, TX—After receiving a very cordial invitation, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir has joined the likes of Aaron Carter and Kanye West in building a “YUGE” border wall between the US and Mexico.

The president of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Doug Morgan, explained to the media that “the Mormon Tabernacle Choir has a great tradition of performing at important events like inaugurals, Utah stadium fireworks shows, and dam dedications.” Morgan continued that “singing while we work, including mixing mortar to the tune of ‘Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel’ or singing ‘Carry On!’ while moving cinder blocks are some of the things we do best.”

Added one member of the choir, “we are honored to be able to serve our country by providing manual labor and music for projects that will make America great again.

Some choir members expressed concerns about accepting the invitation. “Yah, I had my reservations at first,” said Bernice McConkie. McConkie continued that “I thought that maybe the choir should not show support for a project that might not do enough to keep illegals from sneaking in and taking our jobs, since, you know, so many are rapists and murderers, but some are nice people.” What set Bernice’s mind at ease was, as she tells it, “I got such a nice call from one of my social and musical idols, and when you get such a lovely call from the legendary Ted Nugent, well, you just can’t say no!”

Other choir members had similar concerns, but all doubts were first successfully doubted and then erased by calls from such towering Trump supporters as Gary Busey, Charlie Sheen, Mike Tyson, Hulk Hogen, and, naturally enough, Kid Rock. “When Scott Baio called me,” exclaimed another choir member, “well, I could not wait to go to southern Texas and build that wall!”

The choir has previously sung at key political events of other officials, including the swearing in of such “noble and great” world leaders as Mohammad-Rezā Shāh Pahlavi (Iran), Elfegio Monzón (Guatemala), and Augusto Pinochet (Chile). The choir is slated to sing “Hail to the Profit” at a celebration of American and Russian economic greatness at this spring’s Rosneft-Exxon merger meetings.

When asked about favorite songs to sing while working on the Trump-inspired public works project, the overwhelming favorite of the choir is the famous Primary song, “I have Two Little Hands.”*

*Item from this completely true news article have been stolen from social media without any attempts to give credit to those who invented all of these truths. 

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