Monday, January 4, 2016

RECENTLY RETURNED MISSIONARY REVIEWS STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS

Should be Called Star Wars: Stop Trying To Hold My Hand!
Sister Kaitlyn Burke has recently returned from serving for 18 months in the South Dakota, West mission. She writes Zion’s best movie reviews for Zion’s Finest News Source.

I told my family that if they agreed to do another hour of role-plays from Preach My Gospel then I would go see Star Wars: The Force Awakens with them. In case any of you are thinking about seeing it, here’s my review.

The movie’s overall message did not offend my spirit. In fact, for those who are attuned, they can see that this is what God wants you to get from the movie: if you are a scavenger, living off of the discarded scraps of others and never getting the real value for your work, or if you find yourself fighting on the wrong side of the battle between good and evil, then now is the time to abandon your current life, follow the Force/Holy Ghost, and enter the mission field. Let’s face it—if you don’t leave now, the Lord might destroy that whole place!

The movie also provides a clear warning to parents about not letting their children get off on the wrong path like Han and Leia’s son. What could have led him to such evil? Well, not only did he not go on a mission, but he learned evil instead of good. Take that as you will, but it probably means that he went to some overly permissive, sinful college like the University of Utah, Utah State, or BYU in Provo. Parents—if you are not going to protect children by sending them to a place where their agency will be used to always confidently and easily only choose the right, like BYU-I, then if they toast your insides with a lightsaber then that’s pretty much your fault.

As you can guess, I’ve been saving the most important, the crucial moment of the movie, for last. And you all know what I’m talking about, so I will just say that if she doesn’t want to hold his hand she shouldn’t have to. I mean they just met and she hardly knows him. Who knows where that hand has been? Even if he’s cute or fun, or even if her parents might really, really like him, if she doesn’t want to hold his hand then she should just be able to say “I don’t want to hold your hand” and everyone should be okay with that. They shouldn’t say that it is okay for you to hold hands with him if she doesn’t feel comfortable with that yet and everybody should just slow down and not pressure her so much to just go and hold hands with anybody who happens to be running around with her, even if everyone thinks that is it no big deal, so just cool it people!

I’d say that the movie was okay, but given the choice of seeing it and being back in Hot Springs or Oglala really fighting the First Order that is sin, fear, and ignorance, give me the mission field any day!

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