Monday, January 13, 2014


PROVO, UT—According to unidentified sources, the ongoing leadership crisis suffered by BYU’s Chess club is such that the organization’s very constitution now “hangs by a thread.” Said one Chess club insider, “all I can really tell you is that the club’s political machinations are playing out like the classic English opening countered by the formidable French defense, and now the organization’s very charter and foundational document is jeopardized!”

The conflict seems to have arisen over issues of the separations of powers between the club’s board of directors (or Gerents of the Enlightened Engagement in the Kings’ Sport) and its appointed executive, known as the Noble Emissary of the Royal Duel. “What we are seeing,” explained another unnamed club member, “is a clear power grab on the part of the executive leader from the board of directors.”  The source elaborated that “if Tyler thinks that just because he’s the NERD that he can take power by essentially pin the GEEKS, well, he’s got another thing coming!”

Not everyone in BYU’s Chess club seems surprised by the move. One unnamed member said that “the conflict is just another playing out of the classic ‘Milk and Strippings’ conflicts that have tested Mormon mettle from the beginning, and now all we have to do is wait for the prophesied ‘Mighty and Great One’ who will bear the Chess club’s constitution away from the verge of destruction.”
When asked if similar crises had ever befallen this organization, the same unnamed member said, “yah, last year Dave tried to make some changes, but that all ended when he got a girlfriend.”

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