PROVO, UT—According to unidentified sources, the ongoing
leadership crisis suffered by BYU’s Chess club is such that the organization’s
very constitution now “hangs by a thread.” Said one Chess club insider, “all I can really tell you is that the
club’s political machinations are playing out like the classic English opening
countered by the formidable French defense, and
now the organization’s charter and foundational document is jeopardized!”
The conflict
seems to have arisen over issues of the separations of powers between the
club’s board of directors, known as the Gerents of the Enlightened Engagement in the Kings’
Sport, and its appointed executive, known as the Noble Emissary of the Royal
Duel. “What we are seeing,” explained another unnamed club member, “is a clear
power grab on the part of the executive leader from the board of
directors.” The source elaborated that
“if Tyler thinks that just because he’s the NERD that he can take power by pinning the GEEKS, well, he’s got another thing coming!”
Not everyone in
BYU’s Chess club seems surprised by the move. A third member said that “the situation is a classic ‘Milk and Strippings’ conflict like those that have tested Mormon mettle from the beginning,
and now all we can to do is wait for the prophesied ‘Mighty and Great One’ who
will bear the Chess club’s constitution away from the verge of
destruction.”
When asked if
similar crises had ever befallen this organization, the same unnamed member
said, “yah, last year Dave tried to make some changes, but that all ended when
he got a girlfriend.”
lol
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