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Tuesday, April 21, 2026

TOP 10 REJECTED YOUNG WOMEN GROUP-AGE NAMES

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Monday, June 12, 2023

WHAT IS YOUR WARD GIVING MEN FOR FATHER'S DAY?

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Monday, May 2, 2022

FOLLOW-UP STATEMENTS WHEN YOU TELL YOUR FAMILY YOU ARE LEAVING THE CHURCH

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The great jazz musician Miles Davis is reported to have said, “When you hit a wrong note, it’s the next note that you play that determines i...
Monday, March 7, 2022

CHURCH DISCONTINUES USE OF LONG-STANDING NURSERY MANUAL TITLED “SHE’S NEVER COMING BACK!”

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The Wildly Popular though Now Discontinued Manual Salt Lake City, UT—The church announced today that it is discontinuing the use of its long...
Monday, February 21, 2022

CHURCH ANNOUNCES NEW LDS PLUS PROGRAM

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Early Concept for a Program Logo Salt Lake City, UT—At a morning press conference broadcast from Church headquarters, spokesperson Hillary M...
Monday, May 31, 2021

THE MORMON TABERNACLE ENQUIRER GUIDE TO HOW TO GET YOUR WIFE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU

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Sex has been filthy since the Fall It is a very difficult time to be a Mormon man. In the good old days, you could just point at the bed and...
Monday, January 18, 2021

FAMILY DRAFTS POST-MORTAL VISITATION SCHEDULE FOR UNCLE CARL IN HIS LOWER DEGREE OF GLORY

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Don't Look for Uncle Carl in the One to the Left Highland, UT—It all started with Paistyn Healey and her family’s discussion of the plan...
Monday, August 31, 2020

HANDBOOK UPDATE ALLOWS PRIESTHOOD ANOINTINGS WITH CHICK-FIL-A SAUCE

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You can almost feel the holy just looking at it Salt Lake City, UT—Among the recent updates to the church’s General Handbook is a provision ...
Sunday, June 17, 2018

Happy Father's Day!

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Monday, May 7, 2018

VISITING AUTHORITY DEMONSTRATES HOW TO NOT LEAD A DISCUSSION

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Deepest, Truest Reason to Share Gospel: So Families Can Be Sealed Eternally Akron, OH—A recent visit by a member of the Ninth Quorum o...
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Monday, April 30, 2018

GOD SOMEHOW STILL LOVES LOCAL MASTURBATER

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Salt Lake City, UT—In an unexpected press conference, God clarified that He actually does love everyone including an unnamed local mas...
Monday, April 16, 2018

CHURCH QUIETLY INTRODUCES “WEDDING OFFERING” TEMPLE SEALING FEE

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Salt Lake City, UT—The church has quietly started requesting what it calls at “wedding offering” in the form of a “modest temple marriage fe...
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