“Well, we have some new paralegals, you know, people with
only a few centuries of experience” said a source close to He who used to be
the God of All Creation. The source continued that “it looks like one of those
new paralegals miscalculated the debt incurred by the sins of some mortal clients.”
The source continued that the same employee seems to have then “failed to properly suspend the account or
properly allocate absolution from the Atonement.” This mistake was subsequently
compounded when the novice assistant allowed “mercy to cover the liability”
which “of course, amounted to a misappropriation on mercy’s part for a debt still
demanded by justice.”
Another source close to the case indicated that
“simultaneous with this clerical mishandling came the immediate forfeiture of
divine authority.”
A third source indicated that “it’s going to take a few
millennia to get it all sorted out,” but the source reassured the Mormon
Tabernacle Enquirer that “by then everything should be back to normal.” The
source further explained that “previous and future claims duly satisfying both
mercy and justice will not be affected by this clerical error.”
When reporters from Zion’s finest news source asked what this
will mean in practical terms in the lives of mortal humans, the source
clarified that, “as ‘time’ is merely a convenient illusion given to secure
agency for mortals, no mortals will actually experience even a ‘temporary’ lack
of God.”
No comments:
Post a Comment