MITT ROMNEY DELIVERS STATE OF OUR UNION ADDRESS TO WIFE

Romney in his modest La Jolla living room

LA JOLLA, CA—Clearly still trying to adjust after the personal devastation of his loss to President Obama, last Tuesday evening two-time GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney addressed his State of Our Union address to his wife Ann. 

Speaking of the address, Romney reported that “I had planned on speaking to the entire country, set to reassure the nation of a bright future put in place by the noble work of the men and women who came before us, but Ann said she was really too tired for the whole 45 minute version, so I had to condense it to 8.” Though disappointed that the address was not carried live by the major networks or even CSPAN, Romney said that the was hopeful it would be rebroadcasted by “FoxNews, Univison, and a Florida cable access channel called Hair Today.”

No transcripts of the speech have yet been released, but there has been some news coverage of the address. In addition to Ann Romney and the Romney’s Irish Setter Seamus III, a journalism intern, Steven Cannon, from an Idaho newspaper was also in attendance. In his article for Malad City’s Tea Party Truther newspaper, Cannon reported that even without the “show of lights and cameras, the crush of reporters,” Romney still conveyed the “innate authority” of a man who “possesses both a presidential bearing and a podium with teleprompters in his living room.” According to Cannon, Romney “spoke with his usual charm, power, and wisdom about strengthening America’s place in the world, restoring the dignity of everyday Americans through work instead of welfare, and his unwavering commitment to double checking the grocery list after forgetting the milk 3 weeks in a row.”

Cannon also noted that other topics addressed included the threats posed by Putin’s expansionist policies, domestic energy self-sufficiency, and expanded resources and investments in strategic matrimonial “cuddle time.”