AREA PARENTS INADVERTENTLY START BIDDING WAR FOR SON’S FIRST KISS

MESA, AZ—What began as something that Barbara and David Billings thought would be a great idea to encourage their son Corey to avoid physical intimacy during adolescence has become quite a conflict for the LDS couple. “When I saw the article in the Deseret News about the Mormon woman who paid her son $10,000 to save his first kiss until he was 18,” said Barbara, “I thought that this would work great with Corey.” David Billings agreed with his wife, but since Brother Billings works for the Church Education System, both agreed that they could not afford the $10,000 incentive. “After thinking and praying about it, we felt that $28.50 was really a much more reasonable reward and prize.” Little did the Billings know that their incentive would lead to a bidding war with Corey’s girlfriend Lindsey Stallings.

“When I heard that Corey’s parents were going to pay him to not kiss me, I thought, ‘well, two can play at this game!’” responded Stallings. Stallings immediately countered with an offer of $35.00 for the soon-to-be 17 year-olds to kiss. Explained Corey Billings, “Lindsey had this really cute, sort of sly smile when she told me she’d pay me more than my parents offered.” Corey went on to say, “she even said she’d throw in something she called a ’10 dollar tongue bonus.’ I still get a little short of breath when I think of it” said Billings. 

As the bidding war has escalated, the Billings have been forced to offer more and more money, with Stallings eventually pushing them to $116.75 and a 50% reduction of Corey’s chores. It is at this point that the bidding war has taken a new turn, as the Billings have made it clear that this is their last offer. “I told Lindsey what they said,” reported Corey, “and she said that maybe I should just take them up on it.” Corey reported his disappointment with Lindsey’s sudden concession, that is until, according to Corey, “she got that sly smile again and said, ‘take the money and we won’t kiss; maybe we’ll just get naked and see what happens instead.’” Corey has not yet relayed Lindsey’s “counter-offer” to his parents.

Corey’s sister Kaitlyn has also been given the same incentive as her brother. For her part, Kaitlyn Billings, who is both very bright and quite sarcastic, responded to her parents: “gee Mom and Dad, let’s monetize my sexuality—how could that go wrong!?”