MISSIONARY CASTS DUST OFF FEET AGAINST TOPEKA 3RD WARD

Before and After Pictures of What Elder Kesler Imagines Will Happen

TOPEKA, KS—Elder Robert Kesler recently performed the act of casting off the dust of his feet against the Topeka 3^rd Ward.  That act, which was done last Tuesday, came after what Elder Kesler described as “the point at which the Spirit will no longer strive with this generation of vipers who pollute this the Lord’s suburban Kansas vineyard.”

Elder Kesler relayed much of the event in his weekly letter to his mission president.  He told the president that he had “warned and forewarned the slothful, iniquitous, and adulterous children of men that the sword of the Lord’s judgment hangeth over their heads, yea, the day soon cometh that the Kansas river will turn red with your blood and God will cast down your homes, churches, theaters, and Walmarts.” 

In spite of Elder Kesler’s condemnation, he appears to have been alone in concluding that “it shall be more tolerable for the heathen in the day of judgment” than this particular Midwestern ward.  Elder Kesler’s companion, Elder York, told his companion that he would “let him do the dust casting this time” and that he might “give the ward one last chance, just this once.”

Elder York’s letter to the president painted a rather different picture of the situation.  He noted that Elder Kesler had “been pretty worked up recently, even more than usual.”  He elaborated that when they were served lasagna for the third time in one week, Elder Kesler said that “he could only choke it down because the Lord had promised that His servants could consume poison and not be injured.” 

When one of the youth expressed concerns about going on a mission, Elder York noted that Elder Kesler made it clear that “such sinful doubts were exactly how Laman and Lemuel got started.”  Elder Kesler then warned the young man’s family to avoid any long car rides with him or to expect “sibling abuse, rude dancing, and becoming very, very lost.”  Elder Kesler even noted that such a son “might lead their gray hairs to a watery grave, like in the pool of some Motel 8 where they would have to stop.”

According to Elder York, the youth were not the only ones who demonstrated Topeka’s “rising tide of filth and faithlessness.”  Among other “gross sins and abomination” were the bishop’s failure to convert thousands, “even if he had to cut off a few arms to do it,” the relief society president’s failure to implement a plan wherein all compassionate service casseroles would have papers with missionary messages cooked into them, and the music director’s “heinous neglect” of “Called to Serve,” which Elder Kesler wanted to be sung at least twice during every meeting. 

Elder Kesler had gone so far as to warn what he sees as the few faithful members to watch for the fire and brimstone that “will inevitably consume both root and branch.”  When some of those members, concerned about such warnings, asked Elder York about it, Elder York told them not to worry.  Elder York explained that, after he had got up 3 minutes late one morning, he had seen Elder Kesler casting the dust off of his feet against him that evening when he thought that Elder York was asleep.  Elder York concluded that “this happened about 3 months ago, so I think we’re all good.” 

So far there have been no reports of complete annihilation in either Topeka or the other areas where Elder Kesler has served.