Stuckley accidentally exposes his gospel doctrine class to the philosophies of men. |
By Barley B. Bratt
FULLERTON, CA—Tanner Stuckley, literature professor at
Cal State Fullerton and member of the Fullerton 3rd Ward, reports that
everywhere he goes he is considered a “nut job.”
Professor Stuckley’s teaching evaluations reflect
substantial resistance on the part of his students to his religious
affiliation, especially in light of Proposition 8. On a recent evaluation, one
student commented, “He’s a nice enough guy—I mean, Mormons are really into
‘nice’ and s*** like that, but you can tell that behind that fascade (sic) is a
rights-stealing homophobe, a Limbaugh-lovin’, willfully-blind flag waver, and a
breeder of little smiling Borg! He did return our tests promptly, though.”
Some of Stuckley’s colleagues seem to harbor similar
views. In a confidential memo about Stuckley’s qualifications to lead the
honors program, one faculty commented, “Stuckley does have family in Idaho, and
we all know who was born in Idaho—modernist poet and fascist Ezra Pound.”
At church, Stuckley is considered a very different “nut
job.” Stuckley’s wife has overheard a number of ward members comment about his
use of an iPad during gospel doctrine class. One member commented that “he
probably uses it to look up liberal philosophies of men to mix with the
scriptures.” Another added member, “Yeah, like social justice, socialized
healthcare, and, um, ethical relativistic positivism.”
“He probably doesn’t even have the scriptures on it,”
another member asserted. “It probably just has Clinton’s autobiography, Harry
Reid’s speeches, and Sunstone.”
Stuckley himself notes that he learned a long time ago
not to mention that he works in the liberal arts department. “The one time I
made that mistake,” he points out, “you’d have thought that I just said it was
okay for the government to take its citizen’s automatic weapons, allow
undocumented people to live here in peace, and grant rights gay people. But,
they do seem to think that I somehow make a good ward mission leader.”
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