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HEAVENLY MOTHER STILL GOING BACK AND FORTH ABOUT WHAT TO WEAR FOR NEXT VISION

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Inspired by Heavenly Mother

HEAVEN—In anticipation of an upcoming appearance that Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father have planned to some yet-to-be-named mortals, Heavenly Mother is still having trouble pinning down exactly what She’d like to wear.

“I always love to wear blue, and it seems really celestial,” She reported, “but anything deep bronze matches my complexion so well!” She also spoke about Her affinity for cream, aquamarine, emerald, garnet, and fuchsia. “I would love to go classic black,” She said, “but I’m not sure humans are really ready for that.”

In her efforts to find just the right thing to wear, Heavenly Mother reported that Her Husband had “not really been all that helpful with this.” In response, Heavenly Father commented that “well, being from eternity to eternity has its advantages, but it also gives you lots of time to look at different outfit combinations.” He added that “even being omniscient, I have to say that they all end up kind of blurring together after a few millennia.”

For her part Heavenly Mother noted that it has always been a lot easier for the Men when They have appeared to humans in the past. She explained that, “yah, well They just show up in white, with robes, bare feet and beards, you know, like the ways that the Greeks always pictured Us, and I guess that is fine, but I think it is time for humanity to have a clearer sense of their Heavenly Parents.”

Though the exact timing of the planned vision was unclear, it does seem that Heavenly Mother has some time to make a final decision. She concluded that, “I’m getting closer, I think, on the outfit, but I’m nowhere near a decision on what shoes I’m going to wear!” 

SALT LAKE TRIBUNE REMINDS MORMONS HOW TO REALLY SHAME

Commentary by Blaine Reid

You can almost feel the evil hidden behind that smile!

Let’s face it, we Mormons have gotten lazy! What happened to the good-old days when we vehemently spoke out against the evils of tattoos, men with beards and no socks, and how communism was poised to drag us all to hell? If we are truly to be God’s light upon a hill, we must more actively point the spotlight on the chests of those who would distract us from the Truth. And that light should burn a holy letter of scarlet upon the iniquitous!

In the face of our complacency, God has given a sort of new, prophet-like voice: Scott D. Pierce. Mr. Pierce (who we only hope is also Brother Pierce!) has shown us again how to really shame those who might pervert God’s true path. Sure, Mr. Pierce does it about a Mormon author, but that Mormon guy doesn’t even live in Utah, so how “Mormon” could he really be? 

And Mr. Pierce knows that putting the shameful elements right at the front will set the fires of rage and shame going, reminding us of the holy anger we should feel. Mr. Pierce wisely uses a quote to prove that the subject of our public shaming is worthy of our ridicule. Of course the quote is from eight years ago, but we all know that those ideas must be eternal and unchanging for one speaking such evil! Of course our views would never change over such a key issue, even in eight years. We all always choose the right ideas!

Mr. Pierce reminds us Mormons to get back to our roots—our powerful desire to shame those who see things in an evil, perverted way. He uses wonderful quotes from others to show how all good and wise people will shun such an evil influence. Mr. Pierce wakes us from our sleep of complacency to remind us that if you don’t believe the right ways, then everything you do or would do is inevitably tainted, perverted, and twisted, if not downright evil. 

We stand all amazed, Mr. Pierce, at your sterling example of how we can use shaming to make Mormonism great again!