FRESH FELINE FURY: MINNESOTA DENTIST HUNTS, KILLS PRES. MONSON’S CAT

Completely real, unphotoshopped picture of hunters with cat, really

Salt Lake City, UT—In a move sure to spark renewed outrage, Walter Palmer, the same Minnesota dentist who recently killed the famous lion Cecil has, over the weekend, hunted and killed President Monson’s cat.

The prophet’s cat, whose full name is Mahonri-Moriancum-Puurrrrr, but who is also called the Cousin of Cecil or just Whiskers, was apparently lured away from its Salt Lake home to City Creek Mall, where it was dazzled by high end shopping and fabulous dining options, only to be shot first by a crossbow and then by a high-powered shotgun, assault rifle, and two fully automatic pistols.

Investigators, in piecing together the cat’s death, noted that the perpetrator “took the tour of Temple Square” and then went with “hired guides” in search of his latest highly-prized feline trophy. Investigators noted the dark twist in the fact that all three hunters initially met at the Lion House.

While he has not yet met with reporters to talk about the loss, President Monson posted this on his Twitter account: “Feline Friends R Lost; Hearts R Gritty Clumps of Sorrow in What Sometimes Feels like the Litter Box of Life.”