MTE INTERVIEW WITH NEYLAN MCBAINE: POKING HER WITH THE LONG POINTY STICK OF ZION’S FINEST QUESTIONS

The Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer, Zion’s Finest News Source, is glad to give you, our dear readers, the in-depth and groundbreaking interviews that answer the real questions. We are pleased to post this interview which we recently conducted with Neyland McBaine, author of Women at Church: Magnifying LDS Women’s Local Impact. Though other, frankly lesser publications, may attempt similar interviews, only the Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer is willing to really poke current people with the long pointy stick of Zion’s finest questions. As with all MTE interviews, this was conducted at an undisclosed location and without the victim’s interviewee’s knowledge or consent. Cus that’s how we roll.

MTE: How many pairs of purple pants will it take to throw off Mormon male oppression?

Neyland McBaine: That really isn’t what my book is about, I mean, if you…

MTE: Okay, so if you want to be hostile, what do you say to some of the recent accusations that you didn’t actually write this book but instead it was written by Sydney Rigdon’s wife Pam?

Neyland McBaine: I’m pretty sure Sydney Rigdon’s wife’s name was not Pam. In fact…

MTE: Well then, since you brought up modesty, how disturbed were you that a certain apostle may sometimes wear very sheer dress socks that allow glimpses of his ankles?

Neyland McBaine: That doesn’t make any sense. I didn’t bring up modesty, and I have no idea about an apostle’s socks…

MTE: So does that put you in the radical feminist camp with those who say we should alternate between calling the songs “hymns” and calling them “hyrs?”

Neyland McBaine: Did you even read my book?

MTE: Given that this is such a feminist book, what do you think of the risk that you might end up on the dark side in a Jon McNaughton painting?

Neyland McBaine: At least that starts to make sense, but I think that you are missing…

MTE: As a book for women, when will portions of your book be available on Pintrest? Oh, and if I buy it for my womenfolk, is there a strap that comes with it so they can read while vacuuming?

Neyland McBaine: Um, could you please stop talking to me; maybe we could talk after sacrament meeting. 

MTE: If I pass you this tray will you tell me how your book compares with, say, the Harry Potter series?

Neyland McBaine: How did you even find me here?

MTE: One last question—this one is about gender and power: If a male BYU student started to read your book and then felt that taking the steps you suggest would make the church a better place for men and for women, do you think that girls would think he was hot?

Neyland McBaine: Wait, you’re not recording this, are you?