COMMENTARY
By Jordan Howie
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| Yep, That's What the Affair Will Do, but it's Probably Worth it |
I’ve been married to Jennifer for 26 years now, and we are
the parents of 5 lovely children. They are a great family, don’t get me wrong,
and it will change their lives like a nuclear accident, but I still think that
having an affair with a young woman from work is a good idea.
I will say from the outset that my betrayal of my promises
and everything I have claimed to stand for will not be their fault. I mean, let’s
be honest, Jennifer still does her best as a wife and mother and so forth, but
the chance to have my ego (and other things!) generously massaged by someone
who was only 3 years old when I got married is just too good to pass up.
Her name is Lauren, she’s 29, and she is just like those
popular and promiscuous girls that I avoided in high school. Well, now I’m
older, she’s wise and worldly, and for some reason she wants to hop in the sack
with me. What could be better than
throwing away years of self-discipline, devotion, and hard-work as well as the
love and respect of those close to me for tawdry and disconnected sex interrupted
only by moments of superficial conversation and lousy scrambled eggs?
Sure, this will damn me, and not just in the eternal sense. This affair will rob me of any sense of integrity or self-confidence. I will learn that something so empty and meaningless can lead me to abandon everything I value, but Lauren’s Facebook pictures of her in her bikini are so hot that I do not want to miss out on some of that.
And, okay, I can see how this will impact my 19 year-old daughter who is just about to leave on her mission, my married son struggling through college with a wife and young children, and my other three children at home. When they find out they probably won’t be able to hear the noise of their own crying over the devastated wails of my unsuspecting wife. Every Family Home Evening lesson about families being forever and temple covenants and the beauty of sexual expression kept within marriage will transform the locks that used to bind us together into rusted, corroded, and useless scrap metal. But Kelly does this really cute thing when she bites her lip and pulls down the top of her shirt, I’m mean, it is just so hot that I’m sure it will be worth it.
And, okay, I can see how this will impact my 19 year-old daughter who is just about to leave on her mission, my married son struggling through college with a wife and young children, and my other three children at home. When they find out they probably won’t be able to hear the noise of their own crying over the devastated wails of my unsuspecting wife. Every Family Home Evening lesson about families being forever and temple covenants and the beauty of sexual expression kept within marriage will transform the locks that used to bind us together into rusted, corroded, and useless scrap metal. But Kelly does this really cute thing when she bites her lip and pulls down the top of her shirt, I’m mean, it is just so hot that I’m sure it will be worth it.
Frankly, cheating
on Jennifer and betraying the Lord and my children will be like napalm, that fiery
chemical used to destroy every living thing in Vietnam. Yep, this
will pretty much emotionally scorch every square foot of earth that is
anywhere near me, permanently changing my life and everyone’s life for the worse, including
the people I have worked with inside and outside of the church for years and
years, but I think I’m going to go for it.
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