SATAN STILL DISAPPOINTED BY LOSS OF SINGLE PROVO MTC SUCCESS: TREE OF LIFE SHOWERS

“Tree of Life” Shower

HADES—Though never one to dwell on the past—getting kicked out of heaven, missing out on a body, not letting Robin Thicke convert to Mormonism and then perform for the VMA’s—the Father of Lies is still disappointed that he let slip his minor Provo Missionary Training Center success: the “Tree of Life” showers.

While it has been years since all of the MTC showers were converted to private facilities, the Prince of Darkness still holds fond memories of valiant servants of God wracked by the guilt, shame, and embarrassment experienced in the former facilities.

“Yah, you know there was nothing like the anxiety and panic that at least distracted those detested young men when 6 of them all had to shower together in a circle,” reported the Old Serpent.  “That missionary--he might be mastering German and half way through the Book of Mormon—but at least I knew that his daily wash ritual would make him feel awkward and humiliated.” 

Lucifer's Original Design for MTC Showers

When talking about the showers, called the “tree of life” for how 6 shower heads would emerge from the top of one vertical plumbing unit, the Great Dragon revealed how they got there in the first place.  He said that, “well, we had some people on the inside for that one, a few contractors and a plumber from Tennessee who we tempted with some sweet tea and then told him that if he didn’t do our bidding then we would send Payton Manning back to the Volunteer state.”  The plan apparently worked, and the corrupted plumber and contractors convinced others that, with the showers installed, they would be too difficult to replace.

“So they were there for years, and it was pretty great to at least have that miserable comfort as some revenge on the missionaries,” concluded the Devil. As a final comment, Lucifer noted how “now that the Tree of Life showers are gone, the next best time that we have to see these otherwise capable and confident young men completely embarrassed by their bodies is usually on the wedding night.”